He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
