i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im holly from the hills drunk
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
