I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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