You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
