Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
