The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
