I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
