you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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