at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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