My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
