even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
