Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
