She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Alive.
So much puke
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
