Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
