yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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