Kareoke will never be a sober sport
time to smoke my breakfast
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
