So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
