either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's always time for handjobs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
