i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
