The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I could make wine with my vomit
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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