So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
