So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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