Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
