my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
