i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
