I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
