I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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