the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
