I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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