two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
