So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
