nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
