Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
