You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
