When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
