i permit you to call me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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