When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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