So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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