Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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