as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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