I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
