i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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