this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
