I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
