Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
