you're like a bully in the Christmas story
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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