I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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