Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
