She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
