Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
