just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize