pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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