hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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