why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
