I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
