it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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