Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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