i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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