I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
