you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
