I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
