dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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