Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize