I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
