I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
