and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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