I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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