You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
