I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
