I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
