Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
