please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
