I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
