How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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