drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
