Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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