i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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