just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
