It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
