I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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